Holding Space Across Cultures: Reflections on Death, Dying & Caregiving

For May’s People for Patient Safety (PPS) forum, chaplain Cody Hufstedler distilled more than a decade of palliative-care chaplaincy and his Dying to Tell You podcast into three deceptively simple practices: stay present, honor contradictions, invite joy. The conversation quickly transcended bedside etiquette, touching on the social fabrics that hold—or fray—when families confront mortality.

That line set the tone for an hour that explored far more than Kleenex moments. Below are the big-picture insights—and how they connect to GiveCare’s mission and our advisory work with A Better Goodbye, a national initiative to normalize end-of-life conversations.

1. Presence Is Powerful—Especially When Cultures Collide

Cody opened with a story of missing the moment by rushing to fetch tissues, breaking a sacred silence with a well-meaning but unnecessary gesture. Many caregivers feel similar pressure to do rather than be, particularly in multigenerational households where elders equate care with constant action.

2. Two Feelings Can Be True—and So Can Two Worldviews

During Q&A, Ali Madad—GiveCare founder and an advisor to A Better Goodbye—asked how caregivers might better hold two cultural truths at once: the medical system’s protocols and an immigrant family’s rituals that rarely fit textbook timelines. Cody’s reply: “Ask earlier, ask often, and leave room for answers you don’t expect.”

3. Humor Isn’t Sacrilege; It’s Relief

Cody recalled a wedding-obsessed patient whose family erupted in laughter when she admitted the nuptials were still “TBD.” That burst of joy cut through dread and created the day’s most honest moment. Laughter, he noted, can coexist with grief and even deepen connection.

4. The Immigrant Experience: Invisible Load, Invisible Wisdom

Immigrant caregivers often juggle language barriers, remittance pressures, and visa constraints on top of grief. Ali’s closing question—“How can healthcare teams invite immigrant families’ wisdom instead of sidelining it?”—sparked a lively exchange of lived experience:

• Shlomit, a hospice social worker, described a Vietnamese family who brought homemade spring rolls to the hospital every day as an act of love. Staff initially viewed the food as an infection risk; only after conversation did they understand it was a sacred gesture of nourishment and presence.
• Maria, a second-generation Dominican American caregiver, shared how extended prayer circles at the bedside calmed his mother, but clashed with rigid visiting-hour policies. Negotiating extra time required persistent advocacy and cultural translation.

Suggestions that emerged:

• Language justice: engage certified interpreters early, not just for consent forms.
• Ritual flexibility: carve out space for bedside prayers, incense, or family-prepared foods when safely possible.
• Story exchange: invite families to share homeland end-of-life customs so clinicians can weave those values into care plans.

5. From Conversation to Movement

Cody’s talk dovetailed with the goals of A Better Goodbye, a national initiative that frames death literacy as a public-health imperative. The program calls for:

1. Reframing death as part of life through annual Conversation Week campaigns.
2. Engaging communities via salon-style gatherings reminiscent of historical “Death Cafés.”
3. Supporting families with practical, culturally relevant planning tools.

Cody’s mantra—presence, permission, positivity—offers a universal starting point for dialogues that often stall in fear.

Keep the Dialogue Going

Were you at the PPS session, or do you have stories about caring across cultures? Email us at [email protected] or tag @GiveCareApp. Let’s continue building a caregiving landscape where every goodbye—immigrant or native-born—is a better one.

—The GiveCare Team